Navigating the Waters of Female Friendships

Now look here, in case you may not realise, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop and Real Housewives of Anything are TV Shows.  The participants are paid to get on TV and act cray.  If your friendships are this duh-rama filled, have a seat and re-examine your life because that isn’t normal.  Also very bad for the blood pressure.  Uh-uh, nah, nix it now.

fight animated GIF

Below are some of my thoughts on the exciting, enthralling and sometimes hot ass mess of female friendships.  I’ll try to keep it short and sweet:

Loyalty

Listen, I know of only one Don Corleone and he only exists on paper and on screen, so let’s get that out of the way first.  Some women will want you to believe that they can make you an offer you can’t refuse and therefore you will do their bidding at all times. Erm, excuse me but no.

I am loyal to the few ladies I call my friends in that I support them strongly and do not wish harm on them.  However, if you act a fool, I will tell you I think you’re acting a fool. It may be hard for me because I hate hate hate conflict but I do it and try not to let too much time pass because once that bus has left the bus stand, ain’t no turning back.

This has caused me to lose friendships.  I have felt so hurt that it took me months to get over the fact that a particular friendship was not worth having anyway and in the end I realise it is for the best.

Bottom Line – Stick by your girl and support her but have the guts to have a talk (not shouting match) with her and tell her that you don’t support a particular action and why. If she behaves like she’ll have you whacked, leff it out.

Drinking Tea for other People’s Fever/Tekkin’ up Somebody Fire Rage

I love these two sayings, one Trini, one Bajan, which basically mean that if your friend is wronged by X, you all must (1) turn up at X’s door with torches and demand that she come out for a good beat down or (2) see her somewhere and give her the standard stupse, cut-eye and/or silent treatment.

I am not saying that if your girl has beef with someone that you should not hear her side of it, please understand that you need to understand things from her point of view.  This is where things can get tricky, if you are both a part of the same crew and the person your girl has a problem with is also your friend, ask the alleged problem person (‘APP’) what the heck is up.

It is then time for you to use some common sense and decide how you want to move. If person X starts giving APP the silent treatment but you don’t think APP deserves it, don’t make like a lemming and jump off the cliff with person X.

Bottom Line: Treating someone badly or ignoring them because the Queen Bee or even Worker Bee who’s the Wannabe Queen is acting all Regina George is dumb. Think about it and woman up.  The tea may not taste so good after a while.

Genuinely Caring About Someone

Do you want to see your friend succeed? Are you genuinely happy for her when she has good news to share? Do you see her hurting and want to comfort her?

Many women overlook these central tenets of being a good friend.  It isn’t about “me me me” all the time.  It doesn’t mean that you have to see or speak with her all day every day, hell, even I don’t like that but a telephone call or Whatsapp message can make someone’s day.

I’m trying to improve upon this, particularly as I become buried further in the madness that is adult life (can I not adult today, pretty pleaaase?) as I haven’t always been the best friend in the contact arena.  My new philosophy, don’t plan it, just do it.

Bottom Line: You may vibe with 10 people or just 2 but how ever large or small your friend group is, remember that we are all bearing our own crosses and experiencing some sort of issue, some more severe than others.  However, it will make you feel great if you reach out to someone you care about, so do it today.

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